Funny Dirty Jokes

A dirty joke can be really funny is a person does not get offended easily. These are some of the best dirty jokes that will keep a person laughing.

J : What is the main difference between the g spot and a golf ball?
a: A man will take the time to search for the golf ball.

J. What does an out of business sign at a whore house mean?
A: Beat it we are closed.

J. A guitar teacher was arrested. Does anyone know why?
A. He was caught fingering a minor.

J. What is the big difference between a car tire and 365 condoms that have been used?
A. The tire is a good year. The condoms are a great year.

J. What is the main difference between a hockey player and a girl that is a hippie?
A: After three periods the hockey player will go and take a shower.

J. What does a member of the Mafia have in common with a prostitute?
A. One wrong slip of the young and you are in some deep sh*t.

J. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A. His wife died.

J. What is the useless piece of skin on a dick called?
A. A man

j. Why do vegetarians give good oral sex?
A. They are used to eating nuts.

J. What is long, hard ,and is full of semen?
A. a submarine

J. Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips?
A. Once you open it up you realize that it is only half full.

J. What is the easiest way to circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Give his sister a good kick in her jaw.

J. What did the hurricane have to say to the coconut tree?
A. Hold your nuts, this is no regular blow job.

J. What do boobs and toys have in common?
A. They were made for children but dads have fun playing with them.

J. What is a herd of cows masturbating called?
A. Beef stroking off

J. What happens when birth control is mixed with LSD?
A. You get to go on a trip without kids.

J. What is a virgin laying on a waterbed called?
A. A cherry float

J. How is sex similar to the game of bridge?
A. If you hand is good you do not need a partner.

J. Make Some money
A husband comes home from work and finds his wife packing up. He asks her where she is going. She replies, “ I’m going to live in Las Vegas. I heard you can charge $400 for a blowjob there. I might as well get paid for what I do for you for free.” The husband starts packing his suitcase. His wife asks him where he is going. He replies, “ I would like to see you live on $800 a year.”

J. A brunette tells her blonde friend, “ I slept with a Brazilian last night.” The blonde replies, “ Really! How many men is a Brazilian? “

J. Three guy friends went to a ski lodge. They made last minute plans so there was only one room available with one bed. They ended up sharing the bed. When they wake up the next morning the first friend said “ I had a great dream last night. I was getting a hand job.” The second friend said that he has the same dream. The third guy who slept in the middle of the bed said ,” That’s a funny thing. I dream that I was skiing.”

J. A man and his girlfriend are taking a walk in the woods. It gets dark so they start to mess around. After around 15 minutes the man says that he wishes that he had a flashlight with him. His girlfriend then said, “ So do I. for the past 10 minutes you have been eating the grass not me. “

Some of the most Inappropriate pick up lines that men use

Think of a situation where you are in a social gathering. Suddenly, you see your crush walking towards you. She is wearing that little black dress that highlights her curves in all the right places and her face is lit up with a smile. Your mind urges you to say something. But then, hasn’t this scene replayed itself like a dozen times in the past and you just couldn’t summon the courage to say something? All of a sudden, an idea comes to mind, start the conversation with something witty.
“Did it hurt?” you start. She stares back at you, half wondering whether you are speaking to her and half considering whether to just ignore it.
“What?” she asks and flips her hair. Your palms are sweaty, you realize that you already said the line and you cannot back out. so you repeat it, a little less confidently than you did the first time.
“Did…did it hurt?”
“What?” she asks rolling her eyes.
“When you fell from heaven, because you are an angel.” At this point, you are expecting that she will be thoroughly impressed but instead of breaking into a smile, she shakes her head and just sidesteps you. As you watch the pretty little derriere sway away, you cannot help but wonder, ‘Why am I such an idiot?” well, that is the world of trying to use Inappropriate pick up lines on girls.
The interesting thing about the lines is that at times, they work like a charm and at other times, you will be left feeling like a complete fool when the audience either does not understand the joke or doesn’t think it is funny. To avoid this awkwardness, below are some rules to follow when using pick up lines on girls.
Judging the social situation
The effectiveness of the line that you will use on a girl depends on the context. For instance, if you are going to be using sexual pick up lines in the office environment, you can expect serious consequences such as complaints about sexual harassment. On the other hand, when you change up the social scene and you are dancing at a bar with a girl you would like to take home, saying the same line could actually help you score. Context also includes the character of the person you will be using the line on. If they do not look like the kind of people who can take a joke, you are likely to hit a rough patch when you use the lines.
Social distance

There are many things that determine the social distance that exists between individuals. For instance, the types of jokes and pickup lines you will use for a college girl are completely different from what you could use on say an older woman who is about five to ten years your senior. The same thing applies to circumstances when the person is your boss at work. This is especially tricky because if the line fails, you can be assured that you will not be getting that promotion that you have been waiting for.

The manner in which the line is delivered
Before you use a line on a girl, you have to make sure that you are on the same page as far as feelings are concerned. First, make sure that you have some kind of chemistry between the two of you. Then, hang around them and look at them or create proximity that will raise the sexual tension between the two of you. When you are sure that the anticipation has reached fever-pitch, deliver your line and make sure that you drop your voice an octave lower. This is what will make the girl want to do sinful things with you. On the other hand, if the line does not work as effectively as you thought, do not get flustered. Instead just give a smile and act like that entire episode did not take place.

Top 5 funniest and dirty things to never say to a Las Vegas Escort

For many, a trip to Las Vegas is a goal. Some people spend years saving to experience the Vegas lifestyle, and when they are finally able to, they do so intensively. One of the “Must-Do” activities is paying for an escort. Escorts in Vegas make the trip a lot more fun, and can virtually guarantee one has a great time. On top of that, a stunning and striking companion provides a much welcomed reputation.

It is important to know how Escorts in Vegas work, to be clear on the fact that a Las Vegas Escort exists only to fulfill the need of companionship. The city is regulated; therefore, all actions must be taken accordingly. Otherwise, it is likely that she will walk away with your money because it was made in advance.

Keeping in mind that there are numerous lines not to be crossed, there are a few comments, questions, and among others, suggestions, funny and otherwise, that one should make sure and avoid making.

Don’t ask for what you know she is not willing to do
Just because you have paid does not mean that she is your property and that, therefore, she will do as you please. Despite the fact that some are ready and willing to engage in certain activities, these fall outside their formal services and special considerations are to be taken. Different women have different limits, just are there are some who are completely off limits. This must all be respected.

Sex is not part of the deal
Never demand, expect or assume that sex is a given with a Las Vegas Escort. Sex in exchange for money is illegal; any escort who formally accepts payment for sexual activities is breaking the law and the terms under which she works. If the topic comes up and she is willing, what happens henceforth is between the two participants and “under the table.” That, however, is not always the case. Most escorts will go out with you and happily enjoy a night out, but will not venture anywhere outside those bounds. It is not their job to do so, and they can very well call for help if limits are exceeded.

Never ask to have unsafe sex
If you happen to be lucky enough to get a Las Vegas escort to sleep you, make sure never to ask for unsafe sex. It seems simple enough, but some men do ask. Whether they are complete idiots or think they are bulletproof, they must never forget that the women also seek to reduce risks. They would never engage in unprotected sex with a complete stranger. Pretexts about only sleep with your wife are always unconvincing and generate curiosity as to the amount of other escorts who were asked and complied.

Don’t terminate an appointment early and ask her to prorate the time
Companionship is paid for in advance. Sex, if she agrees to it, is likely to come at an additional hourly cost. Remember, it is a business. No matter how long the act or acts take, if the encounter ends before the hour, you are expected to pay for the entire time. The same applies if you back out of the agreement. If the reason falls on you, she should not suffer the financial consequences.

Don’t expect her to answer questions that cross boundaries
Having a good night out is one thing and completely acceptable; getting too close might not be so. While many escorts accept, or at least tolerate listening when a man vents, they might not be all that comfortable with having to share their personal lives. Asking for her real name and other details she would rather keep to herself should be off limits considering many escorts never ask a client about home life, wife and children. Different would be if she volunteered such information, but being placed on the hot seat and interrogated is seldom appreciated.

Escorts in Vegas are beautiful, friendly and easy to talk to. They will ensure you experience a pleasant time in their company. They are knowledgeable about talking to stressed gentleman to need to vent, which results is a more pleasant encounter. This, however, should be met with limits; and those limits are pretty clear to each escort. Make sure you remain within said limits and a grand Vegas time will be almost guaranteed.

Best Dating Apps

With the embracement of modern technology, a number of people have been coming up with dating applications in various parts of the globe. The use of these applications has gained popularity over the years. This has been facilitated by the fact that the applications tend to offer people the right quality of service. A good number of individuals have been able to meet their loved ones with the help of that platforms. A number of people have formed families with individuals who they met through the application.

Although there are many sites being used at the moment a number of them have been able to outshine the rest. Some of the most popular dating applications in the country at the moment include the following.

• Tinder

Tinder is currently one of the most popular dating application available across the globe. People in t different parts of the country have been using it. The facility has gained popularity mainly because of its ability to be customized. All the user needs to do is place his specifications, and he will be able to get all the data which falls under the standards put in place. This will take less time compared to other facilities which offer the same utility. Unlike most apps which h are now being used the application has a number of versions which can suit a wide range of gadgets being used at the moment.

• OkCupid

This is the most popular dating site at the moment in terms of numbers. The application has been embraced widely in Europe. The application has been able to connect people with same interest and expatriates. By using this facility, you will be able to come up with the most suitable person who you can date. Although sometimes it may not work, in a number of times it has worked. As a user you will have to put in place the specifications you want and all people who fall under the specifications will be displayed on your screen. After doing that, you will have to come up with a person who you consider better than the rest in the available list.

• Lulu

Many people who have ever used this application have a positive thing to say about it. The application is efficient and thus reliable. All user are I full control of their privacy. Unlike other application which is quite inefficient when it comes to keeping your information private Lulu is good at it. With the help of the administrator, you will only be able to expose the information which you want people to see. Besides from that, you can also control the traffic visiting your timeline. As a user, you can put it to be in line with people you are interested at.

• Coffee Meets Bagel

This application has not been in existence for a long period of time. Despite from that, it has been able to get a good number of users within a short time. Because of that, it has gained popularity in a good number of countries across the globe. The app can connect you with people in other parts of the world as long as they fall under your specifications. This has facilitated interaction among people with different culture and believes.

People who would like to access the app can now do so. The facility is found in different platforms and thus any c person can access it easily. As a user, you do not have to pay for anything. All you have to do, is to install the app on your device and you will be good to go

• Bumble

This is one of the dating apps which has been experiencing a high increase in the number of users. This has been facilitated by its ability to suggest to you a broad range of people who can fall under your specifications. Users can get partners who complement their personality or their needs by simply using the site.